few weeks ago, a very gila special person of mine said this to me, "ikram, stop thinking!". i still remember the day. we were having our lunch at Bistro Al-Rafi, ss13. she told me something about a good friend of mine. i found it not amusing at all. i dont know why, i keep thinking about the matter when i was with her. im sorry, i just cant stop thinking about it that petang! since i was small, the pressure was on and i tend to think about anything that happened around me. i mean, anything! but sadly, things that i thought will always ended up in smoke. how lame is that eh ?
well, i did some google about the word 'think'. yes, i google a lot! see how nerd i am ? anyhow, let me show the best result.
thinking involves the cerebral manipulation of information, as when we form concepts, engage in problems solving, reason and make decisions. thinking is a higher cognitive function and the analysis of thinking processes is part of cognitive psychology.
problems solving and decisions making. i have problems with these two things. problems of solving problems. agak terjubur, really.
i think im fussy. i got it from my mum though. yes, my mum is one hell of a very fussy person. ask my bffs(aceh bff sia) for further info. even a slightest mistake could caused me into a big trouble. shish. i still remember those days. when i went back home late dengan baju kotor and basah with muds all over me. i was 8 i think. the moment i opened the gate, i saw my mum bercekak pinggang and was embracing a rotan. sumpah tak tidur malam kot that day. haha.
okay, i think im already off from the topic now. sambung balek. aaaa few months ago, again, an incident that got me thinking. i was lepaking with aiman, telor, pok, and pingu. telor and pingu ambek aiman and i out for dinner with telor's BER kancil. it was around 1 in the pagay. then we went to ss9 to pick up pok. later, after all the stomachs had been filled up with good foods, to telor's house we went. the actual plan was to hantar pingu balek at utm semarak. but when we arrived at telor's house, the plan sudah ter bo gel. we were playing ps2! winning11 for sure. and i tried a game called guitar hero 2. daym i was bad at it, and still am! shish. fyi, i suck on playing 02jam too -.-"
it was like 4 in the pagay, only aiman and i were still awake playing the goddaym game, others were sleeping berteraburly. we had to kejut all of em. we had to hantar pingu balek. we had to follow the actual plan. we had to elak the jam at federal and so on and so forth. but when we kejut-ed telor, he is a uitm student btw, he said something that at the middle of funny and suruisness. mamai-ly of course. "siapalah cipta tidur?" aiman and i was like, wth ? well somehow, that go me thinking who ekceli cipta tidur. haha.
i used once questioned about the god's existance. "does really god exist ?" that question kept bugging me dulu dulu. yearsss ago when i was 14 i think. yes i know, it sounds a bit kufur. and i admit that i was murtad kecil. it was my fault though. not anyone else. ive got myself into this so called satanism religion. ter ju bur. i was young and very taksub back then. i got influenced easily. the internet taught me many things even this satanism religion. every night, i will surf the net and searched about the satanism and stuffs. it was like a research ekceli. but beyond of my expectations, i was starting to like the culture of the religion. the rules. the ideology. i used to hafal the 11 satanic statements of the earth, and the 9 satanic sins(the first one is stupidity. yes, i agreed with that). i hailed prof. anton szandor lavey and made him as an idol. he was literally the founder of satanism. he wrote the satanic bible and owned the satanic church. mati dah brader lavey tu. i was so bodoh at that time. satanism is not really a religion. its more like an ideology. ideology that wants us to be keseorangan. to protect the territory we have made. to protect the kaum. and the most important thing is, to kill the christians! haha.
then, a good friend of mine, some sort of a chat pal, said this to me "gua dah lama buat research pasal agama nih. christian, buddha, islam, and even agama zaman zaman shah jehan dulu masa dorang guna bahasa urdu lagi. apa yang gua dapat, islam ialah agama yang paleng betul". at that very moment, i was like, "omg, apa yang gua dah buat nih ?". i started to taubat. well, yes, im a muslim. and i thank god that i am. alhamdulillah gua tak murtad an. but this experienced started me to think wisely. religion is all about believing. faith. like the rukun iman. the 6 things to percaya at. its all about believing ann ?
i know, i just susahkan myself for some random stupid questions. im tired of thinking. im a dead beat now i must say. but i just cant. i have to think! thinking will anjakkan paradigma ke tahap yang paleng klimaks. and from all of these, i conclude that, some things are made and created, are to be think about and some are to believe.
Maybe for once this is too much crap, and we would be better off listening to the words of the 18th-century Scottish poet, Robert Burns:
"Honeyed Seal of soft affections,
Tenderest pledge of future bliss,
Dearest tie of young connections,
Love's first snowdrop, virgin kiss"
some day, i will pack up my bags and head over back to finland. memories of the place fade as i get older. would be nice to sit at a beach's big batu and read a book while listening to good music. the simple pleasures in life. tempted? jom lincah gerak there now! :)
